My Trail With My Life (Part - 1)

My Trial with my Life

Well I am no scientist to carry out trials but who isn’t, we all are scientist when it comes to our life as we keep on experimenting things and at times we pass at times we fail. This is one such experiment that I did with my life, and today I feel maybe we can comment on the same. As who does not do trials.

It was just 4 months back I was enjoying the festivities season in Mumbai after all it was my nephew’s wedding. A jolly and a happy atmosphere, with lots and lots of fun and family. When my cousins forced me to ask my parents to send all my clinical reports to Mumbai as I had been diagnosed with a tumor in my breast which had been operated but I was having some discomfort even after the operation. I gave into the pressure and sent the reports. Next day we went to Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital my cousin was working as a consultant over there so it was easy for us to get the appointment of one of the director’s over there.

I was nervous but then it was in regards to my health, and so I just went as if it is a regular check-up. Soon after my check-up the thing that I dreaded the most was true which I was running away from. The doctor suspected of Cancer and wanted me to immediately undergo further tests to confirm the possibilities of the same. I did not want to spoil the fun at home so did not speak much about it and quietly came back to Ahmedabad after the fun at the wedding keeping my fears at bay.

What followed after that was a series of tests and running from one doctor to another just in a hope that someone says it is not cancer and the lump can be treated without chemotherapy and radiation and operation and all those dreadful names that come along as part and parcel of cancer. On one of the aunty’s suggestion I went to Civil hospital I had a recommendation from one of the influential person at Civil hospital. The doctor’s said I was on the 4^th stage of cancer and if not treated immediately my survival chances are at bleak.

My friend Anoli took me to oncologist who her family knew since years that doctor confirmed too that my case had messed up and I required immediate treatment. Other friend Monalee sent me to her homeopathic doctor whom she trusted the most. I visited her too. When the doc asked about my personal life it felt like someone was asking me what stone I have kept on my heart, but then I needed someone to know the real reasons and so I poured my heart out sharing about how my brother’s death happened, to whom I was very close to had left me devastated and emotional and vulnerable. The bitter past about marriage which I had ended a year back had left me mentally and physically bruised and hurt and haunting me to no extent. The worry I carry day and night that if anything happens to me then what will happen to my parents. I would be leaving them all alone in this world. The doc after listening to me for more than 3 hours concluded that the mental stress and pressure which I went through in the last 3 years has resulted in Cancer to grow as mental health stops our body to create positive changes and so those cells could grow in my body as I was drained emotionally to take care of me.

The run yielded to nothing more than stress and depression and introspection of what was I actually scared of? Was I afraid of dying? Was I afraid of the suffering which would come along with the disease? What would happen of my parents if I die too? Why do I not want to undergo chemotherapy? Was it the cosmetic physical appearance which I was worried about? or Was losing my hair more difficult than losing my life? Was I becoming a chicken and not fighting for my life? The most important thing how will my mom manage the expenses of my treatment? The answers came when I spoke to the strongest pillar in my life Nijin a friend and a savour. He has always been there when I needed him the most stand strong against the brutal reality check that life knocked on my door. This was the correct time to once again test his loyalty though he prove it time and again. Long talks and chats with him instilled the courage and decision to fight back. I had no other option than to fight. Stand up and beat the odds and rise and shine once again. Fight not only for my survival but for my parents who have no one other than me as they would never be able to take the pain of losing both of their kids. The other 2 people who gave me strength were Karishma and Vishal my constant and pillars of my life they not only gave strength but also the positivity which was my needed at that time. There was one more important person in my life Ankit who came in when I was down and dusted a year earlier when I had separated ways with my husband. He came as a guiding light a friend who could save me and guide me. He gave me confidence that no matter what I look at my exterior the beautiful soul inside me is going to be the same. Last but not least my mom and dad my anchor they told me not to worry about the finances and no matter what happens they are with me in my fight back. To hold onto me when I fall and to gather me when I will feel shattered.

Now it was my turn to start my fight with Cancer, I decided to be a warrior and not bow down to the dreadful thing that had come to my life. Karishma suggested me to start with ayurvedic medicines and visit the doctor who had already treated her sister-in-law successfully. We went to Dr Kunal Manek (Ayutirth clinic) and started with the medication. Dr Kunal’s calm smile gave me the calmness and confidence which I needed at that time. The medication started and though I had started taking medicine religiously there was not much change in the condition. The lump had now started bleeding and pain had become unbearable. The pain had now started restricting my shoulder movements. Being a physiotherapist I knew it was not a good indication as something was overpowering me and I could feel it. So I went to another oncologist Dr Shailesh Talati of Vedant Hospital, where other doctors told my case was messed up, I am on the 4^th stage cancer, he said he will treat me and I will be completely fine in just a matter of few months giving me a ray of hope in the dark messy night of my cancer.

My other most dreaded fear was losing my hair which I was very apprehensive of Dr Talati like a friend as he comforted me and gave examples of all the celebrities like Sonali Bendre and Ayushman’s wife who had publicly came out with a bald look and shared their experiences in public without any fear as we are with the smile we carry and not those look we carry. He then sent me to Dr D G Vijay at HCG hospital who is a breast cancer surgeon, expert and the best in his business with highest volume of breast surgeries in India. Dr Vijay, educated me about cancer, reviewed all the tests and scans which I had already undergone till date and planned my complete treatment. Dr Vijay’s step by step approach towards my situation did not only gave me confidence but also the hope which my parents and I were searching for and felt as if we had lost out parts in search of that ray of light. He made me meet Dr Kinjal Jani, specialising in radiation oncology too. They say half knowledge is always dangerous. I guess that was my situation being a physiotherapist I had knowledge about something but the doubts were more and remaining thing was done by google adding fuel to my fears and feeding on the same. The first thing my doctors made me do was stop googling on my condition as if was just making my mental health worst. They took time and made me understand my current status, cleared my doubts and discussed the treatment plan. It was planned that I would first undergo 8 chemotherapies, then PET scan, followed by mastectomy conservation and reconstruction and last would be radiation.